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Chapter 13
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Interjection Fifteen After my “autistic phase” I was left with more questions but also with a better understanding of the way people think. It made me question what a thought was actually made of. What consciousness was made of? What those autistic kids were thinking when they sat for hours looking at a plate spin on the floor? What went through the mind of an autistic savant when they repeated back the exact quote from a book? Were they actually visualizing a mental photograph of that page, or did their brain actually turn that photo into words? Wouldn’t they have to translate it as their minds verbalized the sentences to actually speak them? So was their brain just reading something, or verbalizing words? Did they understand them or just say them? There is a big difference. I started to think about how I was actually thinking. What was going on in my mind at each and every second? How many different things could I think about at once? What am I seeing when I close my eyes? What’s the connection between the images in my mind and the images I can actually see with my eyes? Or maybe, why it seems to become more difficult the harder I try? The more I think about it, the more elusive the idea.. Or maybe most interesting of all, what unlocked these abilities in their mind and how could someone else do the same thing?! Wouldn’t it be awesome to be able to control what we remember? To do any mathematical problem inside our head instantly? To sing in perfect pitch and play any instrument? To speak any language? To draft a complete mental blue print of your dream house inside your head, and to scale? Think about the Matrix movies and “uploading” knowledge. I believe that to be eventually possible. The human brain is capable of all of these things, but what makes some people able to use it and others to not even know their capable of it? Shouldn’t it be possible to develop a program to unlock these features in our mind? Shouldn’t there be a video we can watch, a book we can read, or a class we can take to break away our mental barriers? I envision a time very soon when anyone will be able to learn how to do anything online. That we can combine all of our knowledge and experiences to work together to solve all of our problems. At the very least to stop hurting each other. We all need to become less selfish. If I can do it, You can too! v I always wanted more. More money, more friends, more knowledge, more cars. I always cared what everyone else thought besides myself. I always thought the answers were somewhere outside of myself. I thought that life was what everyone else made of it.
When I look back at the previous year, the ups and the downs and everything in-between there is a single moment that stands out. Looking at a familiar screen with familiar letters and words - Seeing my thoughts, fears, and dreams flow from my mind- to my hand- to my eyes. It was when I looked through tear stained eyes and thought for the first time; I can do this, I will do this. Nothing will stop me, especially myself. If anyone is going to stop me, it’s not going to be me! Not this time, not anymore.
As much as I wanted to stop, as much as I wanted to listen to everyone else; to my head instead of my heart. I didn’t. I did it. If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that you can too. You have to fail – miserably. You have to die many times before you can live. You have to conquer yourself and your fears first but then you truly can do anything.
Garrrrrrrrrr!
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