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Chapter 13
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Interjection Eleven
My thoughts started to betray me; they couldn’t understand what I was seeing, why I was seeing it, or even how it was possible. My mind was moving so fast, so abundantly that any single idea or memory my mind was trying to use to explain what was happening started to make fantastic crazy possibilities. I had some of the normal paranoia, that there were cameras in my apartment. That someone was recording me, that aliens were using me to figure all this out. That everything was just a dream I was about to wake up from. I remember one idea that I had which was actually pretty cool. I was considering time travel. I thought; “you know what, if it’s really possible then anything I write could eventually be read by someone in the future, and if at that time they can come back – and they’re reading this right now, I could tell them what to do!” hahaha get it? If time travel is going to be possible SOMEDAY, then I could write to the future and tell them to come get me, to leave me something, or almost anything I could think of. It’s actually a very intriguing thought, but.. of course one thought leads to another. If that were possible then it also follows that they might be able to see everything I’m doing and everything I’ve ever done – that goes for you too. Thankfully I don’t think time travel is possible because to me time does not exist in a way to allow for that. But If time travel were possible, the most probable way to use that ability would be to watch the past – not to travel there or influence it. It makes more sense that time travel would be a visual thing more than a physical thing – meaning that you could go back and see stuff either through some space time thing, inconspicuous cameras, or even things planted in our heads. “Time vision” would actually be possible if you could travel faster than the speed of light. If you could leave our planet fast enough, you could eventually get far enough away to look back into the past. Like if you were to shine a huge light from earth out into space and then got in a ship that could go faster than that light – you could get ahead of it and essentially see the past. Since light is being reflected off of our planet and into space, you could theoretically “catch” it, decode it, and see our past. Or if it was being reflected back off of something else – we could look up into our past – you just would have to know how… woahahahahaha Another time theory I have is called THE SPERM TIME PARADOX. Which basically means that time travel would be impossible due to the extreme randomness and complexities of procreation. If you were to change any one single thing that would result in a difference, even a second off. It would mean that the act of conception would be altered – and a different sperm would reach the egg- resulting in a different person being born. One second off could change someone being born which would then change everything else. It’s all in the details! The only way around it would be very very careful planning and time-altered-artificial-insemination. There is a book: Enders Game. In it the children are implanted with devices that record everything they see.. What if people from the future were able to see and record all of our thoughts? See everything we ever had? That’s kinda a scary thought, but BUT only if you’re doing something you wouldn’t want someone to see, right? I’m sure everyone could only imagine with utter horror what a movie of their life would look like. I imagine people watching me dancing like an idiot when I’m home alone… don’t lie you do it too! If not you’re boring haha I’ve seen a monkey control a robotic arm with wires hooked up to it’s brain – so that kind of technology isn’t impossible by any means. Like I said, our thoughts are electricity. When I had this thought originally, I actually considered it to be a possibility more than reality. What if? What if? I told you, thankfully I was able to think in IF THEN’s and consider the possibility without actually believing it to be true. That single ability is what saved me, and enabled me to consider all of these crazy things without actually going all the way crazy. It’s also something I kept after the experience. Where as previously I was ashamed of any “abnormal thoughts” or anything that conflicted with the current consensus of reality, I’m now able to consider even the most abstract ideas without shame – the first step to intellectual originality. Some things have to start somewhere, with someone, and for some reason. Being first is sometimes scary, but equally rewarding even if not realized until way later in history. If you’re right, you’re right – even if no one else knows it quite yet! Another very interesting thing happened to me in that mind frame. I was able to go back and remember just about anything and everything I had ever learned, experienced, or watched. A lot of my ideas were backed up by movies I had seen just as much as the math and science I had learned. This hurt and helped me. Every time I would come up with a crazy abstract idea, I would remember a movie or comic that was almost the same. It made me realize that the ideas I was forming could have come from the movies and not reality, which was good! BUT, movies aren’t always completely fantasy. Sometimes they are based on some strange truths and unexplained things that have happened. For every ghost movie there are thousands if not million of people who believe that everything that happens in a movie is completely possible – if you believe in ghosts.. v I consider those three days the best and worst experience of my life. There were a couple months before that were just as influential for my personal growth but those three days will never be forgotten – to say the least. I’m glad and thankful that I was able to experience something like I did. It enabled me to understand how crazy people really think – and how they might not be as crazy as we think. They might just be confused, full of the wrong information, or in need of direction. I couldn’t help but notice the similarities between my mind and people who are considered insane. It made me more compassionate towards them because I also realized they couldn’t help it, they couldn’t change it, and no one who wasn’t crazy could understand them or help them. Everyone writes them off and abandons them instead of listening to them and working through the confusions in their mind. Like almost everything else in my life I had to figure it out for myself.
Thankfully, thankfully – thankfully. When I finally went to sleep, I woke up with only the memories of insanity. Something terrifying turned into a powerfully enlightening experience. Not many people get to go crazy and wake up not only sane – but with something to show for it!
Unlike most people who go crazy and find that they’ve said or done something wrong, I didn’t have any repercussions. I woke up being my same old self but the Mona Lisa stuff was still there. The images where I had seen other pictures couldn’t be seen and haven’t been seen since. My mind was still going really fast but the sleep took away the edge. It narrowed my vision so to speak. I began to work on a visual book to sell online and then another one about the Mona Lisa in general and my discovery. I had almost finished it when I found something else, so I went into limbo again. Something kept happening to keep me from finishing one version. Looking back on it now I can’t tell if it’s more like ADD or a tremendous amount of ideas that kept coming to me every time I would read or watch something. I would be conceiving inventions and wanted to solve the world’s biggest problems. I would have to imagine this was a state of mania but one that was brought on by an event rather than mood – or chemicals. I guess you would call it passion, it was intense. I don’t know why but everything became simpler to me. If this is a problem, then fix it; let’s figure out how. I was determined I could do anything. I kept going and going but never actually doing more than conceiving of something. Maybe writing about it but that was it. I would never actually try to pursue it or much more than think about whatever it was. After researching Leonardo Da Vinci more thoroughly I began to notice these parallels and similarities between us. Some were generalized and some were more specific. I began to think; Am I figuring these things out because I’m some how related to Leonardo? Was it genetic? I am ¼ Italian! Was it how I was raised? Or could it just be that out of the billions of people who have lived between us, I just happen to be similar enough, and coincidentally start to research him? I know it may seem like I’m reading too much into it, or these things are just merely coincidental and irrelevant but they’re interesting parallels none the less. Another funny one is our names. Leonardo Da Vinci means: “Leonardo from Vinci”. It’s where he was born, not his last name. (Ser Pero) My name is Derek Bair, and I was born in Big Bear. Haha Intriguing Derek, thanks for sharing. Anyone else could have discovered what I have. I could have very well been an art historian or professor or graphic designer. It could have been a Japanese student who never even knew who Leonardo was. But why me? Why Da Vinci? Why we are both obsessed with horses? Both similar in our up bringing? Our intensive journaling, the drawing, the intense need to know? How we can never finish anything, even our bad spelling.. What’s the connection? The OCD, The ADD? What’s the connection?
Then one night I coincidentally combined the curiosities into one condition – cause I can.
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