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Chapter 13
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CHAPTER
FOURTEEN:
What is Austism? Why is it a problem, is it really? What would you have to go through to over come the problems autism causes? What is going on in their mind that makes them different from people without autism? In this chapter I’ll explain what autism is and how that could relate to myself and Leonardo Da Vinci.
What if you were trapped inside your head, in your own little world and no one could understand you - let alone yourself. Welcome to my world and how I understood mine by understanding yours first..
This might seem unrelated to a book about the Mona Lisa but if I’m right it has everything to do with it. What made Da Vinci so unique? Why am I the first to notice the things I have? Why has my entire life felt like I was living in some kind of matrix that only a handful of people came close to understanding? What if the answer to all of my questions and frustrations is the very same thing that made Da Vinci so different - we’re autistic. But what is autism? Surprisingly no one really knows for sure. Here’s my “2 cents” This might be a little much to take on for some, but for those who are autistic or know someone who is this might change your life as much as it has my own..
Only a few weeks before this I had just seen an episode of animal miracles on animal planet. There was this man who had a new therapy for people with autism where he used horses.. A 16 year old girl with autism told her Mom she loved her for the first time in years after only spending a little bit of time with the horse. Her whole face changed and it was as if she was a new person after something as simple as working with a horse. If you think about how influential that session could have been to her future it also makes you wonder what she would have been like had she been around a horse earlier in life.. *Remember horses are my first memory and I was surrounded by them* When considering I was autistic I also started to remember everything I had in my memories about autism. I remembered a kid looking at a spinning plate in a psychology class and being fascinated at what was going on in his mind. The only other memory I had was about a comic book. A character in Marvel’s Generation Next was autistic (m) and I remember wondering what that meant but some how knowing what it was in context. I remember it vividly for some reason – could it be because I am?
I researched it more and more and even questioned those who had it. I wanted to understand their thought processes. I wanted to know what made them different so I would know if I was the same. I found almost everyone thought in pictures and had a difficult time understanding complex emotions and relating to other people. I noticed a lot of similarities between myself but also some of differences. Even though I had never had many friends and was always anxious in any kind of social situation, I could handle it if I HAD to. But if I was given the choice I would almost never put myself in a position that would make me even remotely uncomfortable. I went over my entire life and remembered all of the things that made me think I was autistic. It made sense. It explained a lot. But then it faded. So what? Even if I was diagnosed it’s not really a problem worthy of therapy or anything so what’s the point? I was content with being semi self diagnosed. After researching Autism more, I started to put other similarities together.
Maybe Leonardo Da Vinci was autistic, maybe that was the connection? Why did Temple, Leonardo, and me all think in a very similar fashion? Why were we obsessed with animals? - Horses especially? Why did we have this predisposition to engineering and other visual arts? Why did we all keep methodical journals? Why did we HAVE to?
My biggest question relating to autism was what makes one person more highly functioning than another? Why does one child never speak and another go through their life completely undiagnosed? Was it how their brains were wired or how they were raised? The experiences they went through that shaped them? What caused autism? Is it natural or behavioral? Are they born with it, or did something in their life change them? Nature vs. Nurture. Most research points to nature on this one. It’s a genetic or a brain abnormality. It could almost be described as a slightly different wiring of the brain. Whatever the reason, I thought the next step in figuring out what makes one person more autistic than another would be to find out what makes them different from people without autism. I couldn’t really find an answer to this online but I did happen to remember a television show about a nanny coming in and hiring an autism expert to help a family with an uncooperative autistic son. Again I noticed that within a single session with someone who knew how to work with an autistic child he was totally changed. How could those parents know how to raise an autistic son if they didn’t know how? Or even more intriguing, would there even be a problem if he was raised a certain way his entire life? After only one hour watching the news and you’ll become very aware of how many bad parents there are in the world. What you might not notice is how many good parents there are as well. Or how about the parents who are good, but do the wrong things?.. This got me thinking.. If these two autistic kids can makes such huge progress with just a little effort from someone who knows what they’re doing – what if there were a program for autistic people to take that would “enlighten” them? I say enlightened instead of cured because it’s more of a lack of understanding than a disorder. It’s like being intensely shy but not knowing why. ASPERGERS SYNDROME There is also something called aspergers syndrome and this is actually much more likely what I have. It’s a form of high functioning autism that can go undiagnosed into adulthood. It was first noticed by Hans Asperger in 1944. He saw some children who were intelligent but had autistic tendencies in their social behavior. He also found they display ritualistic and obsessive like behavior. They would become engrossed in one subject so much they are called “little professors.” They almost always have over 100 IQ, and excel more than most in certain subjects (usually visual.)
Everything I
would read about Aspergers described me to a T. I would go from one
obsession to the next. Reading everything about it, becoming a
little "expert" and then moving onto something different. In all my
life I’ve only had a
handful of friends and even then couldn't maintain the relationship.
I didn't know what was "wrong with me" I couldn't understand anyone.
What they would talk about and do didn't make any sense. I didn't
understand sarcasm or most conversations. I would be like "So what?
What's the point? Everyone always just said the same thing!" I
eventually just stopped trying and kept to myself. I could get by in
school very well and even get straight A's if I wanted. I don't
remember studying much but still managed to get good grades. I
almost felt like I had to dumb myself down to fit in so I wouldn't
put out much effort- only enough to stay under the radar. If
something didn’t interest me it was almost impossible to get myself
to study it or pay attention. But when it was something I was
interested in and actually gave any effort I would be the best in
the class. For both my economics and Psychology projects senior year
each teacher said mine were the best they had ever had. It was
amazing what I could do when I put my mind to it, but even more
amazing how difficult other things were. Autistic Savants Autism isn't always a disability and can actually enhance certain mental functions to abnormal levels. These people are called Autistic Savants. Daniel Tammet is an excellent example of someone with Autism who exhibits almost superhuman intelligence that could be the explanation for Da Vinci's brilliance. Daniel can learn a language in a weekend and recite Phi for hours at a time. He doesn't fully understand how he can do what he does, he see's colors and shapes in his mind that he's able to interpret The Movie “Rain Man” with Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman was based off of an autistic savant. He could really do everything he did in the movie. What’s fascinating is how someone could be so full of information but unable to completely understand it. Then there are other people with autism who can play the piano without being taught, some who can sing in perfect pitch, and others who can quote any page from any book they’ve read. It makes you wonder if it’s really a disability as much as a gift, at least for some. But again, what separates the high functioning from the less functioning? Was it determined when they were born, or did something happen to them for them to better understand the world in a way they could relate? “Relating to others” seems to be different from shyness and is more of an inability to understand a different way of thinking. They actually perceive the world differently from most people. They can sometimes have no response to their parents love and devotion but explode with exaggerated emotion to other things usually when they don’t get what they want. (I didn’t speak to my step dad for an entire year after getting grounded the one and only time I have been!)
It’s almost that they are in a totally different world than anyone else. There is a propensity towards visual thinking and away from communicating with others, some never speak I came to think that autism is actually a different way of thinking. It’s more robotic and logical and like any computer it can only work with the information it has been given. I would compare trying to raise an autistic child to trying to raise a child who was deaf – but not knowing what it’s like to be deaf and not knowing how to learn sign language. How could you know how to raise a deaf child if you didn’t know how? Autism was relatively unknown until recently and probably went diagnosed as something else. But just like a deaf child, the autistic child would still have the capacity and potential as anyone else – as long as someone taught them to lip sync, or maybe invented a device to allow them to hear. I would consider autism to be the same. If autistic people actually think in a different way, they would have to be taught in a different way. I think this is what explains why some people with autism can go undiagnosed or are highly functioning and why others can barely function on their own. (how their raised) Granted that there is a huge range between an individuals potential even without autism, it would be even larger in those who did.
There are amazing aerial maps that Da Vinci created. Interestingly I saw a special on an autistic savant who after only 3 days, created a perfect aerialmap of Rome – down to the number of windows on each building. It’s not something many people would be able to do, it’s something related to a form of very visual thinking. (left brained)
Another interesting thing you might notice, or find absent are any self portraits of Da Vinci. Besides the one in his advanced years, there isn’t any of his youth. It’s been said by many that Da Vinci was an extremely attractive individual. Yet there are no portraits of him? For many people, especially autistic and those with aspergers there is a huge apprehensions when it comes to revealing yourself to others. It can take the form of Body Dimorphic disorder and anorexia, IBs and more. I’ve thankfully conquered them. Da Vinci wasn’t as lucky.
There has been some new evidence that he had a claw like hand – which would have caused him a lot of shame – especially in his time. I saw a special about this on the news and they showed a drawing that demonstrated this, as well as it being evident in the Last Supper. At first I didn’t believe it, but after thinking about it I would have to agree. When Da Vinci was older it’s said that he suffered a stroke that left him paralyzed in one of his hands. I think this has something to do with that – to give him a reason for covering it up. People say this is why he didn’t paint after that point in time, but I believe it’s because he was spending all his time finishing the Mona Lisa. He still wrote and drew – so he could have painted easily. I’ve also never believed the story that he was paralyzed in one hand for some reason? Maybe that’s why?
There are also factors that would allude to Da Vinci being autistic. He wrote and planned to write many books – but only published one that was co-authored. He seemed to be afraid of throwing himself out there. Not only that, but the greatest set back in his life was not being able to cast a huge bronze horse. He said it “destroyed him” – a statue? This would show how extremely sensitive he was. For someone who could do anything, and accomplished more than almost anyone else, it’s amazing to think that such a small event could create such a set back.. I believe this demonstrates his autistic tendencies. I know for myself, that one small snide comment – even if I know it is unfounded, can set me back for weeks. It’s stupid, I know it’s stupid. But it takes a lot of time to cope.
Dammit!
So in my sub quest to figure out what autism was I considered it, learned from it, and moved on. I again was left with “so what.” I can specifically remember every event, thought, and situation that’s contributed to understanding the world. Every time I had an enlightenment that led to being able to relate with other people. I actually wrote a paper in my first year of college called “shallow knowledge” It was about how someone should act, dress, and present themselves. Unlike most autistic people I did everything I could to fit in. I made it one of my “obsessions” to figure out this “cool concept” What made one person better, or more “cool” than another. It took a long time to realize that you’re not cool unless you’re cool. You only truly achieve “Coolness” when you stop trying. Right now I’m trying to figure out what could have originally caused autism. Since it results in super-genius like tendencies it doesn’t seem to be a deformity or disorder. It seems to more of an evolved way of thinking. The result of a specific wiring of the brain that results in a unique –but sometimes better way of thinking. I think it has something to do with the merging of various and different “ethnic” backgrounds causing a hybridizing like effect. Each passing on a slightly different and refined type of brain structure that result in a new combination. An Evolution of the human mind…
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