"Asperger syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder, and people with it therefore show significant difficulties in social interaction, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and atypical use of language are frequently reported"

 

There has always been something different about me. I could never quite figure out what it was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was "special" but not in a way that I found anyone else could understand. It's hard to describe, I just felt like I didn't belong, or that I wasn't like everyone else.

I couldn't understand other kids. They just didn't make sense to me. So I kept to myself. Eventually I figured out that I had to work on fitting in, so I studied and contemplated what it took to "be cool" enough to have friends. I figured it out, and almost forgot about "it" - that feeling of seperation and being alone.

Then about 4 years ago I stopped trying to try to fit in. I started to try to be whatever it was -what I really was.

About 2 years ago I randomly came across a site that had an article written by Temple Grandin called "Thinking In pictures". She had autism, and was one of the few and first to be able to describe how her mind worked - how she really thought. As I read her article I realized that how she was describing her mind - was how mine worked too! I too assumed that everyone thought the same way I did? Didn't they? I guess not.

Before that night I thought autism was just a retardation- like down syndrome or that those afflicted were slow and dumb. Since I was smart and could talk It never crossed my mind that what was "wrong" with me was that I was Autistic.

After that night I began to really research autism and realized did have it, or at least a form of it called "aspergers syndrome" which is described as having a "dash of autism."

If you imagine the range of autism, there are those who can barely talk and sit there flapping their hands and spin in circles - to those who have never even been diagnosed. I would be towards the less affected end of the spectrum. My mind works in the same way as an 'Aspie', but i'm not affected enough for it to cause a "disability" I'm right on the edge of it helping and hurting me. I get the mental/visual benifits without the detrimental social awkwardness. Well, actually, like I said i'm right on the edge. If you were to meet me I could act "normal" because I'm aware of what "normal" is, and how to appear that way. But it's mostly an act. I'm really looking at your nose and analyzing everything around me. Or i'm focusing on my every gesture and my posture and making sure I dont say anything inaapropriate. There is always a little voice whispering in my ear "Derek, are you doing what you're suppose to be doing? The way you're suppose to be doing it?" It's really annoying and is the reason I drink so much alcohol. Listen to so much music, and watch so many movies. I have to keep myself distracted or I start to pick everything apart. Like i'm doing right now.

A condition of Aspergers is an obsessive pursuit of a subject. Autism became one of my many obsessions and this part of my web site will be for my thoughts and theories about it. Check back often.

Note worthy Autistic People (or Probable):

• Bobby Fisher (Chess player) (Has my same birthday!)
• Temple Grandin (Writer, teacher, animal husbandry)
• Daniel Tammet (Considered greatest genius alive today)
• Kim Peek (Who rain man was based off of)
• Heather Kuzmich: (Contestant on Americas next top model)

   

Autisticly enclined fictional Characters:

• Ricky Fitz: From the Movie American Beauty
• Sheldon: From the TV Series "Big Bang Theory"
• Jerry Espenson: From the TV Series "Boston Legal"
• Mary Mcdonnell: From the TV Series "Grey's Anatomy"

   

Movies with an Autism Theme:

• Adam: About a guy with Aspergers who falls for a neighbor.
• Imagination: About twin autistic sisters, one is blind. It shows how they use their imaginations.
• I am Sam: About a man who works at a coffee shop who has to struggle with raising a child.
• The Other Sister:
• Mercury Rising:
• Little Man tate:
• Rain Man:
• The boy who could fly: About an autistic boy who never spoke but always acted like he could fly - and really could.
• Ben X: About an autistic guy who imagines he's in the video game he constantly plays.

   

  
  

 

 

02|18|10:

Flo and Kay: Autistic Twin Prodigious Savants. 

They can remember dates and facts for just about everything they have ever heard. They are obsessed with Dick Clark and have seen every episode of 1000$ Pyramid. They can tell you exactly what he was wearing on each show and what the questions were. (MORE)

 

Basically they are the type of Savants called "Prodigious Savants" which is like the top tier of genius. There are maybe 100 known Savants of any kind in the world. 

Since my book is basically about what makes someone genius, and what genius is, and how that relates to autism and Leonardo Da Vinci - and his art. I was very interested in watching a special on TLC about Flo and Kay. 

What i'm trying to figure out is the whole mind - dream - visualization - memory faculty. How do these twins store the memory for what Dick Clark was wearing on a certain show? How are they able to calender calculations instantly? Why are these people (Autistics) who are considered abnormal or "disabled" imbued with gifts that "normal" people don't have? One out of 10 autistic people have savant abilities. And the rest aren't mentally disabled. So unlike someone with down syndrome or have some learning disability - who might not be able to learn some things like math or advanced themes - autistics can. 

 

Is Autism a Disability?

I could crudely compare it to trying to teach a chimp sign language. They can learn the basics but there are also certain things that even the most intelligent chimp just CANT comprehend. Like counting higher than 10. They just aren't mentally capable of some things. But these people are usually more good natured and friendly than most. They'll hug strangers and tell people they love them after a few minutes. They are like little innocent 'dumb' puppies.

Some people are the same, they just don't have the ability to climb the latter of comprehension. These people are the ones that can't pass a drivers test without multiple tries, or can't take advanced math classes - stuff like that. 

They are dis-abled. They have something missing that doesn't allow them to do what other "normal" people can.

That is not what Autism usually is. People with autism have an IQ above 100, and usually are actually especially advanced in some areas. So instead of being dis-abled, they are en-abled with something additional. But this is at the sacrifice for other areas.

They are "socially awkward" or inept. 

But what does that really mean? Isn't that like being shy and introverted? Yes.

But why are they that way? - Well, why is someone who's NOT socially awkward the way they are?

It's either nature or nurture. They are either naturally born very social or they were raised to be.

Someone with autism is someone who was born NOT social. They lack the innate abilities to relate to others. What does that mean? "relating to others" Again imagine a golden retriever puppy. It'll run up to anyone, wag it's tail, jump on them, lick them, and want to play. They know how to do this without being taught. It's natural for them. Then there are other breeds of dogs that will shy away from everything else, especially strangers, and most of the time even their brothers and sisters, sometimes even their own moms. 

Like someone who is blind and who's other senses become enhanced - autistic people are lacking those social skills, but this enhances their other skills. 

Think about how much mental effort and attention it requires to be social? You have to think of a lot of social rules, and etiquette, and it's always changing. You have to be able to read facial q's, understand jokes, sarcasm, and all of the intricate details that come along with communication which is essentially the basis for "relating to others."

Now imagine how much extra mental resources you would have if you didn't have to worry about other people? All you had to focus on was yourself and your interests - no interference? 

I'll get into the factors and how the modern world helps to facilitate this later. 

 

Autism: Aspergers- DBS (Displaced Brilliance Syndrome)

There are some autistic people who can look at a painting once and then make a perfect replica. There are some who can listen to a symphony, and then compose it after only hearing it once. There are people who can read a book and then recite back a quote from any page. There is even one man who can read two pages at once - one with each eye, and remember everything he's ever read.

"Why does the imagination see a thing more clearly in dreams than when awake?" - Da Vinci

 Their imaginations are obviously as clear if not more clear than dreams. They also possess these abilities innatly, meaning that they are born with them. Autism is as much a gift as a dissability to some. But what is autism? No one really knows. It has to do with how people relate to others and emotions. It's a brain abnormality. A different brain set up than "normal" people (Neuro typicals) They actually perceive the world differently.

WELL, about a year ago I came across a web page of an autistic writer (Temple Grandin) up until that point I didn't even know what autism was. After reading an article she wrote "thinking in pictures" that described how she perceived the world I was like woooooow that's exactly how I think! But i'm not autistic, am i? After researching it quite a bit I realized that I most likely am. I then read about something called "Aspergers Syndrome" which is a higher functioning version of autism. Which I was pretty sure I had, but again it's not really understood.

I was watching an Americas next top model marathon and one of the girls on there, heather, has Aspergers. After watching her and hearing her description of it and her childhood I'm now sure that thats' what's "wrong" with me. I put that in "quotes" because not being able to relate to others and not having friends can seem SO much better sometimes. Basically it's only a problem (or considered a disorder) if it's a problem. I went through my entire life feeling like there was something really wrong with me, wondering why I never had any friends or felt like I was understood. I couldnt' figure it out. As I got older I started to really really really try to figure it out, so i basically studied people and how they acted. Eventually i started to be able to fit in and act like them too, but thats the thing, it was always just an act!

Ok ok, anyways. I had a chapter in my book about autism and how I thought Da Vinci was autistic, and how I thought I was, and how thats why i was able to discover what I did. In this next re-write i'm taking it to a new level and from a different approach. I didn't have anything to label what ______ was, autism/ aspergers/ - what you would call it if it wasn't a disorder. So I'm making up my own. It's going to be called "Displaced Brilliance Syndrome" I'll describe it in more detail in my book but it's basically a new term to describe someone with the brain set up like someone with autism - think autistic savant or genius. Its trying to explain what makes someone with "genius potential" different from someone considered "normal." It's all about the brain, genetics, etc. sooo yeahhhh. Look for it in Discovering da Vinci's Daughter 2.0 hahahaha


Why I think I'm Autistic:

This was something I wrote when I first read about Autism/ Aspergers years ago. Although I definitely have some autistic/ neuro-atypical tendencies I've realized that "Autism" is very complicated. I'm going to expand upon this later in my book. For now this represents my "Autistic phase" and not necessarily my thoughts now.